Love, Stammers, and First Dates: My Valentine’s Day Story

Valentine’s Day. It’s a day that can bring excitement, hope, and, let’s be honest, a little pressure. For me, dating has always come with an extra layer of challenge—because I have a stammer.

A first date is meant to be about connection, but when you struggle to get words out, it can feel like the focus is on how you’re speaking rather than what you’re saying. That fear held me back for a long time. Would they think I was nervous? Would they lose patience? Would they assume something about me before even getting to know me?

But last year, I did something that terrified me. I went on First Dates. On national TV. And what I learned from that experience changed the way I see myself, my stammer, and dating forever.

Dating with a Stammer: The Silent Fears

A stammer is unpredictable. Some days, the words come easier. Other days, it feels like they’re stuck, just out of reach. When you’re ordering a coffee or chatting with a friend, it’s frustrating. But when you’re on a date—trying to show someone who you are—it can feel like the ultimate test.

For years, I wondered if I should try to hide it. Speak less. Stick to texting. Keep my answers short so I wouldn’t have to struggle. I even asked myself if I should mention it on dating apps—should I be upfront, or let them find out when we met?

Sometimes I did mention it. I’d write something like, “I have a stammer—so expect a few pauses, but I promise I’m worth the wait!” Other times, I wouldn’t bring it up at all. And the truth? It never really made much difference to the right people.

The ones who mattered didn’t mind. And the ones who did mind? They weren’t for me anyway.

Saying Yes to First Dates

Signing up for First Dates was something I never thought I’d do. But something in me decided it was time to stop letting my stammer control what I could and couldn’t do.

When I got the call saying I’d been matched, my heart raced. A first date is daunting enough, but knowing it would be filmed, broadcasted, and scrutinised? That was another level.

As I walked into the restaurant, I felt my breath catch. The lights. The cameras. The knowledge that this moment—this first impression—would be out there for the world to see. Seeing Fred and Merlin wait for me and how they made me feel at ease was reassuring. But then I saw my date, and for a second, it was just two people, meeting for the first time.

The Date: A Conversation That Mattered

I stammered. Of course, I did. But something incredible happened. My date didn’t flinch. They didn’t look away awkwardly or try to fill the pauses. They just listened. And suddenly, I realised: This is what dating should feel like. They didn’t know I even stammered until I mentioned it!

I had spent so much time worrying that my stammer would overshadow me—but in that moment, I saw that it didn’t define the conversation. It didn’t define the connection.

We laughed. We swapped stories. We embraced the occasional silence, not as something uncomfortable, but as part of the natural rhythm of a conversation. And for the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel like I had to prove anything. I could just be.

What That Date Taught Me

Going on First Dates taught me that the things we fear about ourselves—the things we assume will hold us back—are often not as big of a deal as we think. The right person won’t care about how fluently you speak. They’ll care about what you have to say.

A stammer is not a flaw. It’s not something to apologise for. It’s just a part of how some of us communicate. And if someone isn’t patient enough to listen, they probably weren’t worth talking to in the first place.

Final Thoughts: Love, Stammering, and Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day can feel like a lot of pressure, but here’s what I’ve learned: love isn’t about perfection. It’s about understanding, patience, and connection. Whether you’re celebrating with a partner, a friend, or even just yourself, remember—love, in all its forms, is about being seen and heard.

And if you, like me, have ever doubted whether you’re too much or not enough because of the way you speak, let me tell you this: you are. You are absolutely enough.

My journey with dating isn’t over, but one thing is for sure—I won’t be hiding anymore. Stammer and all, I’m showing up exactly as I am.